its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
