jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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