After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
