if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
