dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
