did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
