I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
