I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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