I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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