you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
