Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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