i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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