You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
