"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
