Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
