Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
