If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
