How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
