I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
