remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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