The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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