found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
