youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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