you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
