Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
