the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
worst night to have a conscience
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
