you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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