i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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