Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
