Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
