Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
