Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
