you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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