Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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