I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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