he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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