I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
