A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You left your phone here
Wait...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
