I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
