Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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