I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
