seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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