How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
