smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
