I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
