I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
