dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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