At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
