just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
