Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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