halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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