She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
