Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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